This would be about god, but I’m an atheist.

Have you ever taken a break from your life? Just pressed the pause button without even knowing it and just live and let live for a while? Biking home from work a few weeks ago I realized that that’s exactly what I’ve done these last 12 months. I stepped outside from my life, from the people I knew, the routines I had and the feelings known. I moved here for love and adventure. I did not even move here, I rushed here, thinking that it would be just as carefree and uplifting as backpacking or any trip with my friends, little did I consider the fact that a year in the same place means an everyday life and routines.

It’s been the calmest, most overwhelming and detoxing year of my life. I’ve always had three homes at once, keeping constantly busy, doing, doing,doing . And here I was , further away from home than I’ve ever been and forced to just be, live and feel.

It’s been hard for me to keep this blog alive since I moved to Toronto simply because I did not want to analyze my feelings. I just needed to live a life different from what I’m used to. The last few years needed to settle in, I needed to remove my self from my life in order to win it back. Therapy can only do so much , and spending this much time alone as I have here was what I needed. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made true friends that I will miss terribly and I found a love greater thar I could imagine but I also found that I needed not to be emotionally involved in anybody else than me or my relationship with Richie in order to heal from what drained me in the past.

Seven years of emotional rollercoasters has taken its torn. And a year of merely exciting in some sort of distant retreat was the remedy for a confused soul. I am still a seeking soul, ill always be, but I am no longer confused.

September second is my last day in Toronto, I will miss him terribly but he will be back home soon. And I can’t wait to se the faces of my loved ones and for him to meet all of them. I’m ready to go back to my life. Ready to live life fully again , with even stronger values and ideas of whom I want to be and what I want to do in life.

Somehow, life/universe/whatever seems to give me what I need without me noticing.
Or as my kindergarten teacher told my mum; ”that kid, she will always make it trough”.
And I guess she was right.

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