And I could be terrified and I could stick my head in the sand and hideaway from what scares me. The things I really want always do, wanting something reminds me that I have something to lose. But if I don’t go, I’ll lose you. And that’s the only thing I’m really scared of.
A voice in my head screams that I should stick to the very loose plan I made up in my head before I met you. Go back to Costa Rica, get on that surfboard, feel the sand underneath your feet everyday and let the sun kiss your skin every morning. Or go to Australia, walk that desert, dive in that reef and learn to surf those waves. Dance, drink, laugh, live. Live young, live free.
It’s that same voice that used to tell me that I’d be happier if I lost some weight and that voice that drove me to a point where I sat on my psychiatrist coach and asked her to hospitalise me because I did not know how live, how to leave that room and not go home and cry. And I will not let that voice take this away from me. I will not stick my head in the sand and I will not runaway. Not this time. Nor will I stay If things goes to hell. I doubt that they would but If they do I’ll go take on some waves and walk some deserts.
I know Canadian winter is a bitch. But hand me some proper clothes and snow and winter will be amazing. I can spend every cold winter day in bed with you. And your smile makes my world brighter than a thousand Costa Rican or Australian suns. Since all those hours talking on skype makes me giggle like a child and make my blood run faster than a bungee jump, I do not doubt that spending my days with you in Toronto will make me anything but happy.
The only bad decision here would be not to go, and make you into a ”what if”.
But being a bit scared is just good I guess. It proves I’m human after all.
25 days left. 25 days and everything will be allright.