New Pene Gutten video is about to rock your world

So, Swedes and Norwegians there is a new Pene Gutten video in the making.
I doubt may of you have heard the song before, but who cares, Ill post the original after the PG one.
It’s probably the most offensive one I’ve ever done, worse than Grise Pule. This will be fun.

Is there anyone out there who still crave a PG version of Bed Rock ? I have the lyrics, just need to record it.

Here’s a sneak peak from today’s rehearsal.

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And as you can see, making an effort doesn’t make me look more civilized.

The smile’s returning to their faces

Sun, Sun, Sun, here it comes.
Woke up  next to a warm man who wouldn’t  let me leave the bed. Eating breakfast in bed in the company of John, Paul, George and Ringo and seeing this incredible blue sky in the corner of my eye. That’s what I call a good start of the day.

I love our new apartment. I love that spring finally has arrived and gives us +18 today ! I am working nine days in a row now, but who cares when my parents and their best friends are coming to Toronto and I have 7 days of with them.

I’ve eaten my oatmeal and my eggs. Finished my coffee. Time to kill my legs at the gym and then a Friday pre-closing shift. And then tonight, it will be the most epic amazing Friday night ever. It is laundrynight.  YEHA !

 
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Bloor st west as we speak. Amazing. Maybe I should go for a run instead ?

How do I wait for life changing decisions out of my control, when I’m incapable to wait for the bus?

So there was a problem with my visa and I have to start the application all over again. My current one expires on the 4th of September and I have to have a new one or leave the country by then. But I am truly ambivalent to another year here. I know I will not make a decision before I know the new visa came through. There is no use to set my mind towards something that might not even be an option. But I will know in 6 – 8 weeks.  And I know I will stay if I get it. I’m to tired to leave anyways. And if my promotion goes through, I have another reason to stay. I actually have 3dollars-more-an-hour reasons to stay.

But I know this feeling all to well. If I was nineteen and having this job, living this life here, I would have loved it. But I have moved so much, been through so much and seen and felt more things than I really wanted to. I feel old. My mind is tired and needs a place to rest. Toronto could be the perfect sanctuary and has been this fall and winter. But the thought of building something here and once again leave tears me apart. Especially when I know there is people back home that puts a golden frame to my life and fills me up with love and life in so many ways.   And then there is Richie. The reason I just bought that ticket here without a second thought, the person who makes me feel reborn everyday and has touched my heart in a indescribable way. And the people I’ve met here, the friends I’ve made and the life I’ve started to get used to.

So many, many other reasons and what ifs to everything.
I miss and love all of you back home dearly and everyday I think ”Linnea would die for this man” , ”Elin would drink so much passiontea lemonade that she’d pee her pants” and all the million things over here I would love to share and experience whit you, my loved once at home ( especially Elin peeing herself!)

Often you ask if I will be home this Summer or when I will be back. Earliest is September but Ill let you know for sure in 6-8 weeks.
6-8 weeks and I can decide if I’m Canadian, Swedish or Norwegian this winter.

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I’ve been writing something everyday of my life since I discovered the beauty of words and mastered the skill of turning them in to texts.
I started my first diary at age nine and this electronic one, for anyone to read, back in 2009.
Since then, my travels, mentally, physically and  spiritually has been has been taking me to levels and places I could only dream of as a child. But somewhere over the last few months the words vanished. I ran out. Not many words has been written since but now I feel that they are coming back to me. Slowly. I am very grateful for that, writing heals and nurtures my spirit.

You are welcome to stay here for a while and continue with me on this journey called life.
I currently live with three Irishmen in central Toronto, Canada. Life told me to always keep my mind and heart open and it brought me here. And since my computer has crashed, and I am way to broke to get a new one, my words will be in English until I get a hold of a device with a Swedish keyboard. You know I love your emails and comments, feel free to speak your mind. In English, Norwegian or Swedish. We once had a good thing going here, I think its time we try to get back to that.

Love, The Girl with the mirror of smudges.

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hade varit battre med prickar // Jag later dig ga nu

Jag tror ofta att jag har problem att leva i nuet, att jag alltid drommer om morgondagen, nasta steg, en annan plats. Men sanningen ar att jag lever for mycket i nuet. Jag glommer att det fans ett igar och att det kommer en morgondag. Herre gud jag alskar pa direkten, jag kan uppskatta det minsta lilla i en skitsituation samtidigt som att jag inte kan se nagat annat an morker. Som om hjarnhalvorna arbetar pa varsin spelplan.

Jag har 22 bast och vilket liv jag har levt hittils. Ibland, okej ofta, tanker jag att jag maste skriva en bok, om alla kannslor och upplevelser.

Jag var 20 ar, decembersnon foll tungt utanfor bussfonstret och jag tog upp pennan och tryckte fram udden. 4timmar mellan Rattvik och Stockholm, orden och jag. Det har var det ogonblicket jag vantat pa i tva javla ar. Det var dags att lata dig ga. For hur slapper man nagon som varit ens varld, ens klippa, trygghet, basta van men ocksa sarat och missbrukat ett fortoende sa in i helvete. Jo, man bryter banden och ger hjartat tid att laka. I allafall i min varld. Sa jag satt mig och skrev, sida efter sida om dej, om allt jag kande och det som byggts upp. Vreden fick mig att fylla i vissa ord hundra ganger om, sa att bokstaverna blev tjocka och nastan slet sonder pappret. Samma lat spelades om och om igen i min alskade ipod nano och tillslut sa hade alla de kanslor som blev till tjara i hjartat blivit till bokstaver ord och krumelurer och det fanns absolut inget mera att saga. Jag later dig ga nu, var det sista jag skrev. Och sen andades jag ut.

Den kvallen var en av de roligaste i mitt liv. Jag hade aldrig varit sa lycklig eller gatt med sa latta steg. For att gavidare handlar inte nodvandigtvis om att forlata, eller att tycka det som hant ar okej. Det handlar om att acceptera, uppskatta det goda som var och befria sig ifran negativ anknytning.

Och just nu ar jag i en process dar jag gor precis just detta, men med 22ar av mitt liv. Det tar tid, men sakta lyfter tyngderna ifran axlarna och andetagen blir lattare och sakrare och jag vagar tro igen. Kanske andras saker nar jag kommer till Sverige igen, vem vet. Men jag ar nagonting bra pa sparen.

Och jag saknar att skriva. Gud vad jag saknar att skriva.

will I end up where I think, no one really knows.

  Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren’t legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this.